Such a BIG God!!

Wow... Today is a crazy day... I have yet to get up early enough to not feel rushed this week but have had a slight snag with Riley being sick and moving all my stuff. And even though I feel that is no excuse for myself I know it will be ok. So let's see what have is there to talk about today... I think a good subject would be where I feel God has been using me the past couple of weeks. I started going to Prison Ministries on Sunday mornings and it has been very humbling for myself and an amazing blessing. Yes, there are definitley mornings that I am struggling to get out of bed at 6:30 on sundays to be ready but I don't think I could give it up. I feel I have seen changes in some of the girls, whether they are superficial changes or real is something I will never know but at least they seem to put forth the effort of working on their relationship with Christ. This past week was a tremendous blessing for me. The girls came eager, with their lessons finished!!(they always forgot to return them) and with their memory verse MEMORIZED!!! It was amazing!! Only something that Christ could do!!! I felt so blessed to have a Savior who can do work like that! And then Christ can be so good to humble us in a way that reminds us we are no better than any other sinner just because we didn't get caught with our vice. This was how my last Sunday before this one went. I walked into the room where we meet with the girls and there was a girl who sat in front of me in one of my classes, sitting right there. Here I had been going to class never thinking of the people that are missing from class because everyone (and I include myself) just chime in on maybe she dropped out or class must have been too hard, when really we have no idea. Frankly, It really put me in my place. So often we continue to go about our day criticising or gossiping without thinking about someone else when we don't know the shoes they wear or any of their story. And not only that but even though we say we don't, we judge where it is not our place to. I have never been reminded so strongly about casting the first stone. I wish this girl could know how Christ used her that day to make such an impact on me. I feel so amazingly blessed to have such a BIG God! I am glad that I can continue to be shown such great blessings and learn so much from where God is using me for HIS Glory!!! Ahhhh and check out this B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L. SUNSHINE!!! I love it!!! Hope everyone has an awesome day and gets outside to enjoy the great weather!!!

Undeserving, But Blessed
Merce

Well it seems to have been awhile!!

What to say? Well my past week or two (because wow I really haven't posted anything since spring break) have been hectic/rollercoaster/annoying/rough/ Murphy's law-what can go wrong will. Yeah that's a rough couple of weeks. I have struggled in alot of areas this past couple of weeks and mainly out of my own choice of paths which in itself is frustrating. Let's start first most importantly with my relationship with Christ. Well it's lacking/failing. My prayer life, my focus, my enjoyment, everything. I literally have fallen off the band wagon. Which also means I am running behind attempting to catch it all the while Satan is lassoing me (very well might I add). It's just absolutely frustrating. I haven't even made the attempt in the past two weeks to strengthen that relationship. And that makes me very sad with myself. It's not that I don't know the undeniably awesome gift He has given me or find amazing joy in it and honestly my struggles are so minuet they shouldn't even matter but they still distract me. One of the biggest of my struggles is my feelings. I hate feeling sad! Because when I feel sad it is not a one day and the next I am over it. It is a drag through the mud, cry in my closet, can't shake it, sad for weeks sort of sad. And not only that but when the reason I am sad is standing in front of me, Satan does an amazing job of covering the AMAZING joy Christ puts there too. I can honestly say that Satan is good at what he does. So this week even though it is still full of deadlines and annoying schedules I can say I want to work harder and if I don't want to on a certain day I'm going to push myself because I'm starting to feel lost and unorganized in my priorities. And that is a feeling I despise! Next how does one deal with a temptation that is right in front of you nonstop? And I am not talking about one that you can walk away from? One that you have commitments with and therefore must deal with. Before I started repenting it was easy to get over this temptation because there was so much hate for (let's just call it my "frog" sounds funny but naming names is unpleasant in blogs sometimes) my frog for what had happened that it was easy to ignore it. Now since turning towards Christ I find it is very hard to hate someone even though it is a great defense mechanism. I have found that I feel very disappointed in myself for allowing myself to be vulnerable and open with someone who I began to trust again when I should have only been that way with Christ. Because now I am left with a hole that I know I should not even have because I keep going back to I Corinthians 7:34 - "...An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit." And Yes I realize it is also my lack of attention to the Lord that has gotten me to the bottom of my very own well. Amazing isn't it? God gives us a brain and sometimes we well lack to use it. Who would have thought? Anyway as I continue to read that verse I think about how sometimes taking the right path is so easy yet it is unbelievable as humans how we always manage to fail and choose our own! But that is a topic for another day. This is already going to be a rather long blog today. So for the next week I have set some new and somewhat drastic boundaries for myself but I just read this quote today that stated "sometimes bold moves call for drastic measures", don't know whether I fully agree but today I will take it to heart. First no texting, no calling unless it is needed for the well being of the middle person, and when ever a thought of my "frog" comes to mind I am going to simply send a prayer up for him so that it will dispel any bad feelings Satan insists on pushing my way. The next is to arise at 5:30am everyday. Yes that time does exist. :) I want to be able to go for a walk, read my bible, and not feel rushed in my time with Christ. I want exactly what James 4:8 says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded." I want to be purified again. I want to feel the excitement of Christ in my heart, in my life. I feel like I have found my compass again. And its pointed back in the right direction.  Prayers welcomed, it will be a long week but a good one. I truly do have a beautiful Savior. It is time to guard my heart for Him alone. :)

Undeserving, But Blessed,
Merce

And the week is here...

Well Spring Break is here!!! I have such a long list of things to do. And sadly my monday has not been near as efficient this morning as I had hoped but that's ok I have all week!!! And I am ready!!! My excitement is overwhelming. I spent this morning with Riley reading the book of John. I hope I have that child-like enthusiasm everyday for the Word. Riley kept saying more, more. It was a good start to this extremely busy week.  I've got my list of things to do started!! I'm so excited. Hope this week continues to be great and I can stay on top of things!!! So Good luck to me!! 


With love,

Merce

SUNSHINE!!!!!

Did anyone else see the sunshine????? I love it!!! It is absolutely amazing!!! I don't even care that there is a chill in the air, it is so wonderful to have days of sunshine... I love the fact that spring is almost here. Last night I grilled at my house and opened the blinds. It was fabulous!! Even when your life hits a rough spot sunshine is such good therapy. And I love the fact that sunshine makes smiling contagious for everyone. Here is to a wonderful weekend and a beautifully sunny day!!! Praise our Heavenly Father!! He is an incredible Creator!!

With soooo much love and a very contagious smile (Watch out!!),
Merce

Like always the sun comes out..

All I can say is that no matter what even in the dark times the sun eventually comes out... And not just literally either. Next week is spring break and I have been so focused on my short fallings I didn't even pay attention to that. So with that being sad it has added a bright light blinding me in my face!! I need to get over myself and move forward so now I am. And one other thing that has catapulted my mood change is paying bills...haha how grown up does that sound... but really I got my tax return and paid alot of bills. That just makes me feel like a weight was lifted. And also I read one of my favorite great passages last night in my bible, II Corinthians 4:16-18, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. " After reading this it put it back into perspective which is just what I needed. My heavenly Father is forever faithful and even when I'm uncertain he is there. What a sense of relief that is!!! Today has been a good day and though I am certain there will be more bad because satan is never far I know I can make it through with Christ. Not to mention today is Wednesday and I have church tonight! I love going there. It makes my week better. Great fellowship and being with others listening to the word makes a really good night. :)

With love,
Merce

Falling down...

I don't even know where to start with this past week and a half or should I say month. It has been tough needless to say. I got my notice that my landlord is remodeling the house I live in at the beginning which started off the month in a bit of a strange spot. And of course I feel depressed by that. Next my grandmother passes away and no matter how much of a good thing that is because of where she is now it's still seemed hard. Also falling behind on my bills which stinks because it feels like once you're behind you can't catch up. And school what even to say except that it is a whole new definition of tough. I wish I would have stayed in when I first started out of high school...Oh the saying if I only knew then what I knew now. So true! Anyway and then the situation with a certain person. We don't date before marriage and we aren't even sure if we are going to marry each other except to say that neither one of us could image anyone else and it well just makes sense. So with that in mind not spending time together and not communicating like we would if we were together makes for a great Satan's playground. And I need alot which is not saying I need help alot its just I am very insecure and this past month has given Satan a hayday with my own feelings of failings as a mom, friend, and a Christian. So in saying that sometimes I need a pick me up that resorts back to my feelings like when I was younger and looked for them in all the wrong places, relationships. Which continuously reminds me that I'm focused on the wrong thing. That I should be focused on Christ. But sometimes the comfort of knowing that person is there loving you is just that a comfort. Which is not to say that Christ isn't he's just not physical if that makes sense. So needless to say I feel quite down. So much so that I don't know what to do. I have been continuously trying to go back to Christ and give him my worries but sometimes I feel like they are just piling up too. I have cried so much this past week I don't even know what to say except that I am so very thankful that all this is temporary. In the wake of a depressing day sometimes I forget that. As I remember that I am extremely grateful for these hard times because without these I would forget how to lean on Christ. Everything even when it doesn't feel like it can be turned to Him. So after praying and reading it's time to pick myself back up and begin my walk again. I am very thankful for the bible study that we have started on Thursday nights as it deals with Insecurity which seems to be the plight of my delimma. Hopefully this next week with the break from school with get brighter. I do have a lot of goals I am working on which will be a breath of fresh air. :) Especially the working out and focusing on my debt. I am ready and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have written out my goals and my dates for completion. I am excited and ready for this. And every step of the way Christ is going to be there.

With love,
Merce