Falling down...

I don't even know where to start with this past week and a half or should I say month. It has been tough needless to say. I got my notice that my landlord is remodeling the house I live in at the beginning which started off the month in a bit of a strange spot. And of course I feel depressed by that. Next my grandmother passes away and no matter how much of a good thing that is because of where she is now it's still seemed hard. Also falling behind on my bills which stinks because it feels like once you're behind you can't catch up. And school what even to say except that it is a whole new definition of tough. I wish I would have stayed in when I first started out of high school...Oh the saying if I only knew then what I knew now. So true! Anyway and then the situation with a certain person. We don't date before marriage and we aren't even sure if we are going to marry each other except to say that neither one of us could image anyone else and it well just makes sense. So with that in mind not spending time together and not communicating like we would if we were together makes for a great Satan's playground. And I need alot which is not saying I need help alot its just I am very insecure and this past month has given Satan a hayday with my own feelings of failings as a mom, friend, and a Christian. So in saying that sometimes I need a pick me up that resorts back to my feelings like when I was younger and looked for them in all the wrong places, relationships. Which continuously reminds me that I'm focused on the wrong thing. That I should be focused on Christ. But sometimes the comfort of knowing that person is there loving you is just that a comfort. Which is not to say that Christ isn't he's just not physical if that makes sense. So needless to say I feel quite down. So much so that I don't know what to do. I have been continuously trying to go back to Christ and give him my worries but sometimes I feel like they are just piling up too. I have cried so much this past week I don't even know what to say except that I am so very thankful that all this is temporary. In the wake of a depressing day sometimes I forget that. As I remember that I am extremely grateful for these hard times because without these I would forget how to lean on Christ. Everything even when it doesn't feel like it can be turned to Him. So after praying and reading it's time to pick myself back up and begin my walk again. I am very thankful for the bible study that we have started on Thursday nights as it deals with Insecurity which seems to be the plight of my delimma. Hopefully this next week with the break from school with get brighter. I do have a lot of goals I am working on which will be a breath of fresh air. :) Especially the working out and focusing on my debt. I am ready and can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have written out my goals and my dates for completion. I am excited and ready for this. And every step of the way Christ is going to be there.

With love,
Merce